Posts in Lessons Learned

Making is messy. It means unraveling, needing, missing, losing sight, and having to remind yourself there is home and hope to come.

And I've taken a break from writing, a chosen fast really, because of "making" that needed to take place in my life.  Hurts, cynicism, and bitterness that needed to be walked into.  Reconciliation that needed to be sought.

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But that is the very heart of the problem, that all I have ever known is dust. But you are a God that knows all and sees all and is in control of all and loves His children enough to believe for them when they don’t have the framework that all we have ever seen and known and held dear is dust. It’s vanishing, dissolving, frail, and messy.

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I have fought since I could breathe to have it all together for everyone else. I needed to be the leader, the front runner, the caretaker, whether or not in the spot light. I have needed to perform, to prove, to measure up and sometimes the ground underneath your feet gets taken. And I’ve been stripped of this to the point that I have been lost as to how to even interact with people. I’ve wanted to keep people safe from the depths of the sadness and scariness of my heart, but thankfully blessed friends have pushed deeper. I’ve learned that ministering to people doesn’t mean being invincible, but being broken with them. I’ve learned to stop trying to be people’s Savior and remember just how much I need one.

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Father's Day

I would give anything for another Father’s Day with him, or any day really. But as much as my Daddy fought, this was a lack I had to feel and a hurt I had to bear. And it is one I know I would have never had the strength to face, had my Dad not strengthened me by his love and his presence. And one I could have never faced without the strength and presence of my Heavenly Father whose image He somehow allows me to bear in my weakness.

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Finding the perfect planner

I thought about hosting a "planner brunch" this year for all of my fellow planner lovers (I realize some people call them agendas, but that just sounds mischievous to me.) to come together and share our planner knowledge because I still live in the world where you buy a new planner every summer, rather than starting in January. But life is life and I didn't quite have the time to host my planner brunch. Instead, I collected everyone's thoughts to share.

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"Lord, I'm not much but I'm giving You everything."

But I think this is the very story of the gospel and I think this is how He works. It’s not about what we have or what we can bring Him. It’s about giving Him our emptiness, all of it, and knowing His extravagant love meets us there. It meets us and lavishes His love upon us. It looks past our scars and messiness and emptiness and somehow calls us His own.

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